DROWNING

Drowning.

It's how I've been feeling for the last few weeks. (And no I do not mean literally drowning.) I mean creatively drowning. You see a lot is happening at once for me. I'm in the midst of relocating with my family and once again I'm on the search for another job. That would be a lot for anyone, but add trying to build a career as a brand new nurse and burgeoning author at the same time. Yeah it's a lot. I find myself up at night unable to sleep as my mind constantly races. Insomnia has become my new best friend.

The job market still sucks right now. I've accepted that and I'm also aware that landing another gig may take some time. What I didn't expect was that the thing in life that has brought me so much joy, my writing, would instead turn to another source of frustration and worry.

I'm in the midst of a rewrite of my next upcoming release that is taking me forever. My enthusiasm for the story is waning. I've also started about 10 chapters into a brand new Mafia series, The Corrupt Cassinellis and I've written about 2 pages into my 3rd Demi-God Daughters book, Goddess by Surrender. My interest in everything is pretty much gone at the moment. I love writing, but lately I've had no desire to write a single word. I thought it was just the pressure of "real life," affecting my creativity but it's more to that.

I'm burned out with the struggle. I'm tired of seeing mediocrity rewarded and I'm tired of being pressured to conform to what everyone else is doing in order to sell my novels.

It felt good to get that off my chest.

I started writing because it brought me joy. I started writing because it was fun. Somewhere along the way writing stopped being fun and it became work. And when it became work it became stressful. That's not what I want for my muse or me. I want to get excited about the thought of sitting down to work on something. I don't want to spend my time trying to put myself on a schedule or forcing myself to write something in a hurry so I can try to cash in what's trending now.

Writing is supposed to be an escape.

Writing is supposed to be fun.

My characters are supposed to dictate what I write and not anyone else. So for now I'm going to take my time. I'm going to stop pressuring myself and just write. It may take a while before I have another release, but so be it. My next release may be so far out of left field of what's currently selling but who cares. I started creating the stories I wanted to read and I need to get back to that because there are enough people in this world co

FINISHED...NOW WHAT?

FINISHED...NOW WHAT?

 

 

 

 

      The photo above describes exactly how I feel. I am so beyond happy that I finished my 6th novel on time and turned it in to meet my deadline. Yes. Yes. Yes. Why am I so happy? Simple I managed to write a 98K novel in the midst of going to nursing school and in the process I realized I can crank out a novel in less time than I thought I could. Though I wrote intermittently and not consecutively, it only took me 64 days to write my latest novel, Devious Little Lies. That's roughly 3 months and 4 days so if you think about it, in a perfect world I could write 3 novels a year. Okay, maybe I'm stretching. After all I do have to take real life into account, but still under the high stress and craziness I'm proud because I know I can do it.

 

 

         In the now 3 years since I've been writing I've switched from paranormal to fairytale retellings and now to mafia suspense. Believe it or not I've enjoyed all of the genres I've written in and I have plans to add a few more to my list and herein lies my current problem...what now? What next?

 

 

       I have no clue what to start on next and it's certainly not because I don't have ideas. I have a notebook full of them. So why can't I just pick something you ask? Because there are some things to consider. I miss writing paranormal with a passion. It was the first genre I started out in and my first love. Unfortunately unless you're a big name with a big fan base a lot of paranormals are not being picked up right now. The same for the fairytale retellings I was writing and falling in love with. So for now, they have to be on the backburner regardless of how much I want otherwise.

 

 

      It sounds all well and good to write what you love, but I love pretty much everything. And secondly, writing what you love may cause your novel to never get picked up if you're attempting to go the traditional route like I am. So for now I'm looking and pondering, making notes, moving things around and trying to decide what direction do I go in next. Will it be the historical saga calling to my heart? Or the action adventure? Or a mystery? Or another dip into the world of organized crime? I don't know. I just hope my muse will tell me what she wants to write next.

 

 

       How do you decide what to write next? Drop me a line and share.

SETBACKS, DELAYS AND CONTINUING TO MOVE FORWARD

SETBACKS, DELAYS AND CONTINUING TO MOVE FORWARD

 

 



 

 

 

         It's been a while I know. I'm still alive and kicking. Life has just really gotten in the way of my artistic pursuits. I'm currently in school pursuing the completion of a Licensed Practical Nurse program and let me tell you requires massive testing everyday, which requires me to devote all of my little free time to studying. As a result I have not written anything since completing my 5th book back in August. So now that I've caught you up on the life that is no longer my own, let me get to the real reason for this post.

 

       On the way to my dream of having my novel in print, in a store, I have experienced a major setback. My agent has been beyond impressive with the list of places she has sent my first novel in another paranormal romance series. I mean, majorly impressive. Unfortunately, everyone has passed on it. To say I'm disappointed would be an understatement. I thought (maybe naively) that having an agent would allow me to cross the final hurdle to my dream a lot faster. Apparently I was wrong. I was wrong about a lot of things and as I go on I learn.

 

      So for now it seems my other paranormal series is back at the orphanage and out of prospects of finding a forever home. But maybe a miracle will happen. You never know what the future will bring. Either way I've learned that waiting is a very large part of life. A fact that I am also facing is that stories featuring people of color are an enormously hard sell to "the powers that be."

 

      No, I'm not just blowing smoke out of my ass. Lately there has been a lot of pressure for my diverse books and while "some" have claimed that they rarely received novels featuring people of color, that is a flat out lie. I have met many fellow authors of color who have taken the plunge and submitted the traditional route with the same outcome as me: thanks but no thanks or no response. The truth is sadly that traditional publishing does not seem ready to open the doors up for more of us to come through anytime soon. But again, miracles do happen and maybe the second novel my agent has will have better luck. I can hope, but right now it is not the worry and source of constant stress it has been for me.

 

     I find myself at peace. Just as there are people in the world who will never like and accept you for who you are, publishing is pretty much the same. You are blessed if you find your niche, but if you don't it is not the end of the world. If your dream is to write, then there are other avenues open out there to make that happen. I'm done spending all of my time trying to write to please "the powers that be." Instead I am returning to what worked for me when I first picked up a pen...writing for myself. That's right. I'm going to write the stories that I want. I'm going to submit to smaller publishers like I initially started out doing and I'm going to self publish. Enough of allowing others to dictate what I write. I have a gift and no one is going to tell me how to use it. So while I've had setbacks and some long delays, I'm going to continue moving forward and putting the stories I want to write out to the world, one way or another.