DROWNING

Drowning.

It's how I've been feeling for the last few weeks. (And no I do not mean literally drowning.) I mean creatively drowning. You see a lot is happening at once for me. I'm in the midst of relocating with my family and once again I'm on the search for another job. That would be a lot for anyone, but add trying to build a career as a brand new nurse and burgeoning author at the same time. Yeah it's a lot. I find myself up at night unable to sleep as my mind constantly races. Insomnia has become my new best friend.

The job market still sucks right now. I've accepted that and I'm also aware that landing another gig may take some time. What I didn't expect was that the thing in life that has brought me so much joy, my writing, would instead turn to another source of frustration and worry.

I'm in the midst of a rewrite of my next upcoming release that is taking me forever. My enthusiasm for the story is waning. I've also started about 10 chapters into a brand new Mafia series, The Corrupt Cassinellis and I've written about 2 pages into my 3rd Demi-God Daughters book, Goddess by Surrender. My interest in everything is pretty much gone at the moment. I love writing, but lately I've had no desire to write a single word. I thought it was just the pressure of "real life," affecting my creativity but it's more to that.

I'm burned out with the struggle. I'm tired of seeing mediocrity rewarded and I'm tired of being pressured to conform to what everyone else is doing in order to sell my novels.

It felt good to get that off my chest.

I started writing because it brought me joy. I started writing because it was fun. Somewhere along the way writing stopped being fun and it became work. And when it became work it became stressful. That's not what I want for my muse or me. I want to get excited about the thought of sitting down to work on something. I don't want to spend my time trying to put myself on a schedule or forcing myself to write something in a hurry so I can try to cash in what's trending now.

Writing is supposed to be an escape.

Writing is supposed to be fun.

My characters are supposed to dictate what I write and not anyone else. So for now I'm going to take my time. I'm going to stop pressuring myself and just write. It may take a while before I have another release, but so be it. My next release may be so far out of left field of what's currently selling but who cares. I started creating the stories I wanted to read and I need to get back to that because there are enough people in this world co

WRITING REVELATIONS

 

 

        You live and you learn and then you get LUVs. Anybody remember that commercial? I do and I remember thinking how cute it was then. Now, I see a nugget of wisdom in there that I've often ignored. "You live and you learn." For the past few weeks, this writer has been in an artistic funk. Not only has my muse decided to take a vacation, but my own self doubts about my place in this literary world have been plaguing me almost nonstop.

 

 

      As a writer you're often given the advice that each novel you produce should be better than your last. I've tried my best to adhere to that bit of wisdom, but what happens when you do just that and the stars still don't align? Well if you're me you fall into a funk of catastrophic proportions. You ask yourself should I stop writing? What's the point? Nobody is buying it. Yeah. That's just what I did, had a pity party on an epic scale. It felt good to have a tantrum in all honesty, but once that was over I still was left with a very important question: What now?

 

      Anyone who knows me is aware that I'm a woman who believes in having a plan. So what did I do next? I took a look at all of the novels that were getting rave reviews and selling pretty decent and thought that I need to try to emulate that. If I write the way those writers are I'll be sure to reach this mountain I've been pushing so hard to climb. So I read the first few chapters of some of these so highly rated best selling novels and you know what happened? I was bored to tears!

 

 

     Yes. You heard it right. As a reader I was bored and I couldn't understand how people were getting past the first chapter, much less giving these books 5 star reviews. So then I got angry. No way was I ever going to be able to write like those people. I'd bore myself to death first. That plan dead in the water I searched through some novels I'd absolutely adored and loved and I thought I'll try to write like them. But that experiment too failed and I found myself having to face a hard truth.

 

 

   You can't write like anyone but you. Yes. Let that sink in for a minute. Just as in life, with writing we all have to be ourselves. There already is a J.K. Rowling and a Jackie Collins. Those spots are taken and you will drive yourself crazy trying to emulate what has already been done. So be yourself. Write the stories that make you happy. Write in the style that makes you enjoy every minute of whatever you're working on. Love your story for being uniquely yours. You don't need to be anyone else but you.

 

   This has been a tough revelation for me to swallow. Ever since I gave into the call to write all I've ever wanted was to see my name on a best selling list and there is still a chance that could happen one day. I'm still a fairly new novelist with just 3 books under my belt, but if it doesn't I have to learn to be okay with the place I'm at. That means not looking at my stories and saying, "It's not true to life mafia enough," or saying, "This might be a little too gritty for some readers," or  "Yeah, maybe you need to hang it up." No. My muse is who she is and I'm sure that if I just keep listening to her, she will continue to give me stories that I will love to write, worlds that I will love to explore, and one day maybe a Best Seller title.

 

     But in the meantime I have to learn to be happy with the works I've created and remember that no matter what these stories came into fruition for a purpose, even if I can't yet see exactly what it is. BE YOURSELF.



HOW STEPPING OUT OF MY COMFORT ZONE PRODUCED DIRTY LITTLE SECRETS

 

 

               Every author has their own little quirks when it comes to creating stories. For me, I've always loved the physical act of writing. A pen in my hand, a blank sheet of paper or a cool, hard back journal. It feels like I can connect with my story and characters on a deeper level if I'm putting down the words in my own handwriting. Of course it takes a lot longer to write a novel because your hand tends to get tired. Oh yeah, and there's the unfortunate realization that you still have to type up the story anyway if you want to send it anywhere.

 

 

             But stubbornly I refused to follow other authors and I painstakingly wrote my first four novels by hand and then typed them up. In the midst of my convoluted process, a few of my author friends teased me. Of course I tried to explain my rationale, but they still just laughed until one of them made it her mission to convince me to write a story on my laptop. Yes I'm talking about you my friend https://twitter.com/LicitRecidivist

 

 

          Of course I thought the whole idea was ludicrous. I had like 30 hardback journals lying around I bought for the specific purpose of filling with my novels. No way I was writing strictly by laptop. Nope. I was convinced my muse wouldn't speak to me. No way was this happening. But my friend kept pestering me to try it. Finally, weary from battle with her I agreed to give it a shot. Naturally I expected nothing to come of this. My muse was old fashioned like me. She likes pens and journals.

 

 

          And so I wrote the first sentence: "Last time I checked it was my name on the door."  With that sentence written I sat there a moment and waited. And then the name of the character who was speaking popped into my head. Ava. (She's named after my favorite female character on General Hospital). So I plugged along and decided she'd be a kick ass businesswoman. I wrote a little more and then decided she'd be the beautiful young widow of a notorious mob boss. By this time I was really getting into it and before I knew it...I'd completed my first chapter.

 

 

       I couldn't believe it. My muse hadn't abandoned me. She was fully cooperating. Maybe Robin had been right. Maybe I could do this. And so with slightly more comfort than I initially thought I brought Dirty Little Secrets to life. So 6 months later, I'd given birth to a novel written all on my laptop and it was damn good. Good enough my agent loved it and was excited about. And finally it was good enough to get me my first book deal with a major publisher.

 

 

      Looking back over things, Dirty Little Secrets would have never come to life if it were not for Robin pushing me to step out of my comfort zone and try something new. And because of her I have completed a new novel in a new genre and now I'm halfway finished with my second novel written completely on the laptop. My muse is still with me and I'm inspired even more now to step out of my comfort zone and explore new things with my writing. It's amazing what one little push can do. Thanks Robin. I owe you.

 

 

 

Out JULY 21ST