DROWNING

Drowning.

It's how I've been feeling for the last few weeks. (And no I do not mean literally drowning.) I mean creatively drowning. You see a lot is happening at once for me. I'm in the midst of relocating with my family and once again I'm on the search for another job. That would be a lot for anyone, but add trying to build a career as a brand new nurse and burgeoning author at the same time. Yeah it's a lot. I find myself up at night unable to sleep as my mind constantly races. Insomnia has become my new best friend.

The job market still sucks right now. I've accepted that and I'm also aware that landing another gig may take some time. What I didn't expect was that the thing in life that has brought me so much joy, my writing, would instead turn to another source of frustration and worry.

I'm in the midst of a rewrite of my next upcoming release that is taking me forever. My enthusiasm for the story is waning. I've also started about 10 chapters into a brand new Mafia series, The Corrupt Cassinellis and I've written about 2 pages into my 3rd Demi-God Daughters book, Goddess by Surrender. My interest in everything is pretty much gone at the moment. I love writing, but lately I've had no desire to write a single word. I thought it was just the pressure of "real life," affecting my creativity but it's more to that.

I'm burned out with the struggle. I'm tired of seeing mediocrity rewarded and I'm tired of being pressured to conform to what everyone else is doing in order to sell my novels.

It felt good to get that off my chest.

I started writing because it brought me joy. I started writing because it was fun. Somewhere along the way writing stopped being fun and it became work. And when it became work it became stressful. That's not what I want for my muse or me. I want to get excited about the thought of sitting down to work on something. I don't want to spend my time trying to put myself on a schedule or forcing myself to write something in a hurry so I can try to cash in what's trending now.

Writing is supposed to be an escape.

Writing is supposed to be fun.

My characters are supposed to dictate what I write and not anyone else. So for now I'm going to take my time. I'm going to stop pressuring myself and just write. It may take a while before I have another release, but so be it. My next release may be so far out of left field of what's currently selling but who cares. I started creating the stories I wanted to read and I need to get back to that because there are enough people in this world co